Spotted at Columbia University: a photo of my back, particularly the awesome shirt Claire made me which says “SILENCE IS NOT AN OPTION”
Why I Love French
To be woman in this society is to be allowed to speak only in the social context of man’s speech. Because it is considered a dirty thing to be a woman, to say “womanly things,” to express emotion or to question intent, is a filthy task. The patterns we are socialized to communicate under, the patterns of openness in thought and feeling, are highly suspect because they are unfamiliar to male language constructs. I can rarely say what I mean without being accused of artifice and manipulation. The times when I am being the most honest are inevitably the times when I am most frequently accused of some “feminine deception.” The communication of women is devalued such that men assume it has no purpose other than to foil them. Thus, the understanding of women’s communication, like every other part of the feminine identity, becomes dependent on men.
Perhaps this is why I have a compelling, nearly erotic fascination with languages. Perhaps this is why many women do. The small tools of self-expression that are forbidden to me in my own tongue, the things that will sound silly, trite, so representative of the Eternal Feminine which I despise, are, in a language unintelligible to those around me, no one’s thoughts but my own. To speak in an unfamiliar language is to reap all the benefits of speaking in my own head without that visceral sense of having been silenced to the world. In English, the expression: “I feel as though you’re not listening to me” brings with it nasty connotations of stereotypical feminine neuroticism. It appears desperate, pleading, even hysterical. In French, I may say “Je crois que tu ne m’écoutes pas.” The meaning is the same, but to native English listeners, the baggage is all but lost in translation. It is an expression of statement and of fact, if also of insanity.
As for insanity, that is the price of my whisperings. The woman all cloaked in rich fabrics and disjointed ideas, muttering in tongues, is not unfamiliar to the folklore of western civilization. We have been named many things—witches, cat ladies, spinsters, and harpies. Perhaps we are all of these things. But, as much as we know how, we are free.
The Top 5 Dating Resolutions for Women in 2012
1. Stop being so subtle.
2. Stop texting your ex.
3. Stop leading on that guy who is clearly in love with you.
4. Stop turning down dates with guys you’re “just not that attracted to.”
5. Stop ignoring your friends’ opinions on your dating life.
I have a lot of feelings about this post, and I haven’t gotten very much sleep, so I’m going to share them with you.
Let me start off by saying that any one of these can be applied to men. Many of these SHOULD be applied to men. So why are they addressed to women? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because the blog that posted it is run by a pay-for-use online dating site. Their goal is money, and they know that women will be more receptive to their shitty, harmful advice because they are constantly inundated with similar rubbish by trashy beauty magazines and advertisements. So, I was deeply curious what the male counterpart to this was. I mean, it’s a dating site for everyone, right? They must give 2012 dating advice to men too. Nope. The blog posted this and only this. I guess men don’t need dating resolutions. They’re doing a-ok. After all, women are who’s ruining the western world, right? Damn them. They’re so confusing and illogical and bad at math and EVERY TIME THEY GET THEIR PERIOD, THEY ATTRACT BEARS.
So, down to the real “meat” of the post. (I say “meat” in scare quotes as a reference to the fact that the contents of the post are entirely lacking substance.)
1. “Stop being so subtle.” Okay, fine. This is true for everyone. If you like someone, go for it.
2. “Stop texting your ex.” Alright, this one can pass too. When you click the link, they elaborate and explain that this refers to exes with whom you have a negative and damaging relationship.
3. “Stop leading on that guy who is clearly in love with you.” Whoa. Hold up. WHAT?! That is so wrong. If there’s a guy who hangs around you, wanting to date you but never making a move, that is in no way your fault or your responsibility. He hasn’t made a move. He hasn’t declared his interest. You have no obligation to figure out his emotional issues for him. What happened to “stop being so subtle”? Oh right, that’s only for the girls.
4. “ Stop turning down dates with guys you’re ‘just not that attracted to.’” I feel like this would be an appropriate time to throw in a “fuck you.” If I’m not attracted to him, I’m not attracted to him. End of story. Don’t tell me I should be dating men I don’t want to date so that your shitty site gets more business. My opinion matters in my love life, and it’s the only opinion that really should. Which leads me to…
5. “Stop ignoring your friends’ opinions on your dating life.” While this may seem at face value to be solid advice, it’s still very dependent on the situation. Sure, friends can provide a great perspective on a new or an old relationship, but in the end, they’re not part of it. You are. Trust your instinct, and don’t let your pushy friend’s preferences in guys determine yours.
Did I mention that the full title of this post (available on the howaboutwe website. Yay!) is “5 Dating Resolutions All Women Should Make in 2012”? That’s right. All women. Doesn’t matter if you like to date boys, girls, or non-binary people. You need to listen to this advice about men you’re not attracted to, and you need to listen to it right now, missy.
(via ohhellothereyou)
the key difference between radical feminist and manarchist circles
in feminist circles a man gets excommunicated for abusing women
in manarchist circles a man gets excommunicated for accusing another man of abusing women
Meryl Streep, on being told that she often plays “strong-minded women.”
(via womenaresociety)
(Source: leahblaine, via brosephstalin)
